Thursday, March 11, 2010

James Bond – Part II

Since my wife’s post on “Our James Bond” went down so well with people who follow this blog, I thought it was time for a Part II on the sleuths who are so much a part of our daily lives in Pakistan.

Like most Indians in Pakistan, I guess we have a love-hate relationship with our omnipresent shadows, who are now so much a part of our routine that we take them for granted. As my wife and I walked into a hotel’s parking lot for the Republic Day bash hosted by the Indian High Commission this year, a smiling man greeted me with a cheerful “As-salam-alaikum, kaise hain sahab?”

My wife couldn’t place him and asked who he was, since he obviously knew us. She wasn’t very pleased when I told her he was one of the “senior” shadows who usually oversaw the guys that stayed parked outside our gate, morning, noon and night irrespective of whether it was summer or winter.

Some of the James Bonds are more tolerable than others. Tariq was one who quite endeared himself to us. (I use his name as I am sure that’s not what his mother calls him.) He came up to me the first day he was posted at our home in Islamabad and greeted me.

“Sir, Tariq naam hai mera aur aaj se aap ke ghar par meri duty hai,” he said with a hint of a smile. I was a little taken aback as we were new in town then and most of our shadows kept a respectable distance. I returned his greetings and mumbled something about him letting me know if there was anything I could do to help him.

Well, Tariq certainly took me up on my offer. One day I got out of my home without Tariq realising that I was gone. When I returned several hours later, a sheepish Tariq came up to me and asked: “Where did you go, sir?” When I told him where I had been, pat came the reply: “Aur kahin to nahin gaye the?”

When two bulbs blew out in our home on a bitterly cold winter night, I decided to go to a nearby market and get replacements. I love walking, and as I made my way through the foggy night, a red motorcycle stopped next to me. It was Tariq. “Sir, where are you going?”

Feeling bad for the man, I told him I was only going to the market to get some bulbs. “Aur kahin to nahin jaa rahe hain? Koi party-sharty?” he asked. I assured him I had no such plans. “Achcha, thik hai sir. To phir mein jaa raha hoon,” came the reply.

It wasn’t exactly a one-way street with Tariq. My wife has a habit of wandering off while we are out together, and on one such occasion, she disappeared into a row of shops in a market. As I scanned the shops one by one, I realised someone was standing behind me. Tariq again. “Madam is in that shop,” he said, before slinking away.

Tariq isn’t the only shadow who endeared himself to the Indians. An Indian diplomat’s son once came home from school with an unusual assignment – his teacher wanted him to take photographs of himself with various objects and persons, including a policeman and a donkey. The diplomat was flummoxed as he had not seen a donkey anywhere near his home in Islamabad.

The diplomat made inquiries with his shadow, who offered to lead him to a place where there was a donkey. So, for a change, the diplomat’s car followed the shadow’s motorcycle, which led the way to a ‘katchi abadi’ – the Pakistani name for a shanty town.

The shadow assured the diplomat there was a donkey within the shanty town. But a new problem arose here – the diplomat’s son refused to wade through the refuse-strewn lanes of the katchi abadi. No problem, said the shadow, he would get the donkey out.

Soon, the shadow emerged from the shanty town, leading a donkey, and one very happy diplomat and his son soon went home with a photograph of the donkey and the kid!

Perhaps more surprising was the case of a defence attaché, who was greeted one day by one of his former shadows with a warm handshake and a greeting. The attaché asked the shadow why he was so happy. The reply truly stunned him – “Sir, I did such a great job of watching your home that I have been promoted and posted to the High Commission in London!”

27 comments:

  1. http://chowk.com/unplugged/t/83101

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  2. ShashiTharoor

    brilliant blog byIndian journo couple inPak who deserve more readrs: http://bit.ly/9WVVqg

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  3. man the last line just made me fall off my chair...

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  4. @Amit, yeah that was great one. The defence attache and I had a good laugh about that. More James Bond stories to follow...

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  5. can I tail you guys, I want a job in London as well

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  6. A pleasent change from the ususal blogs I see arnd, the kind of change which I don't think I am going to change in near future. Truely amazing and as always Sweet & Simple.

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  7. Really nice blog. Nice to read about life on the other side of the border.

    And congrats, you are on Shashi Tharoor's tweet.

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  8. just askin out of my ignorance. . . do all indians living in pak have shadows?

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  9. Have started waiting for your posts guys... BTW keep an eye on the wife... wandering not nice :)

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  10. @Selva, well, all Indian diplomats and journalists s in Pakistan have shadows. Most ordinary travellers have had mixed experiences, some are left alone, others have been followed or questioned.

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  11. Just amazing. Keep posting guys

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  12. Posted to the High Commission? As a James Bond again, that is...?

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  13. Tazeen, can I tail you? I want a job in Holland... :)

    Tulika, the handicraft shops are wow, can't stop myself from wandering :)

    Bhopale, I am a big Bhopal fan!

    Thank you all for reading!

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  14. good one!! You'll start missing all your shadows when you get back to India!

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  15. Ranjini, thanks. We will miss them immensely.
    In fact, when we are in India it feels strange that nobody follows us :)

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  16. Awesome posting...really weird and not hitherto heard experiences..though Israelis will be banging their heads on wall hearing about incompetence of spooks in the subcontinent.There was a similar story of an Indian Express reporter tailed by IB people(in Maruti car) who were caught,beaten up and handed over to local police..the reason for tailing was adverse reporting about then RAW chief Ashok Chaturvedi and his horrible behaviour..

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  17. Very interesting blog. So you're a 'journo couple', eh! Thought you were a 'diplo couple' when I first looked in yesterday, following the links from ultrabrown (via AnandG via ShashiTharoor). The blog seems to have the character of a diplomat's diary, complete with cat episodes (shades of Ambassador's Journal :)

    I was really hoping to read how you felt so much at home, how it was so much the same as almost any place in North India, how the language gave no trouble except for the occasional word from Persianized Urdu, how the storeowner refused to accept money from you, etc! All this about your shadows and the maidservant and the donkey and etc is offbeat, and interesting, if also slightly depressing.

    But look forward to visiting again. Best wishes.

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  18. nice blog. hope to read more from you guys.

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  19. a nice blog with interesting topics should like yours, your narration with a hint of humour and the little story inside a topic are very nice and made me to read all of your posts...
    Work From Home India

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  20. @Ottawamysteryman, we haven't had any of the experiences you referred to :) so I guess we can't write about them. Thanks for the kind words, they keep us going.

    @priyawrites, Kannan and vinodkumar, thanks.

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  21. got to know about your blog through Sashi Tharoor's twitter. Intersting reading. Keep posting please.

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  22. A hilarious piece on the shadows that follow you. Loved reading it

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  23. If indeed this is the state of spying in Pak, I wonder what is the state of spying in India. After all, you know who has had we Indians by the nose

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  24. @Kalidas, Rambler and Soham, thanks for stopping by. Keep visiting.

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